Well its starting to feel as if nothing is ever going to work out for us. Its like no matter what we do in life to try and make things better.. we just get punished instead.
I say this because its as if everything in the universe is acting against us. Us? My husband and I. He's in the Navy and out in Washington getting ready for a deployment.. Where am I? Stuck in Nebraska. Why? because my sons biological father wont let my son leave Nebraska to be with the only man he's known as his father, my husband. This "biological father" hasnt been apart of my sons life til I got married, than everything changed.. He wanted to be in my sons life, he didnt want us leaving Nebraska. We already were in a different state, but were court ordered back to Nebraska because of this. My son just turned one this month.. He goes to his visits about 1 or 2 twice a week. He doesnt recognize this man as his father, when he sees my husband he smiles and laughs and points at him, as if saying "thats my daddy!". It breaks my heart knowing a judge/court would do this to us.
We are a military family, we didnt get married just because I was pregnant, we had been together for 4 years, on and off of course. So now we wait.. we wait to see what happens at court, than we have another court date. Is it ever going to end? I sure hope so, because I'm tired of the fighting, the loneliness, the wondering. It makes everything much harder than it has to be.
And now it feels like I cant have fun. I'm 20 years old, I got pregnant at 18 and had my son when i was 19. I couldnt be happier, hes changed my life so much and for the better. I couldnt be more blessed with him and my husband in my life. But sometimes I wish I could go out and do fun things and not worry about him being in good hands, it may sound bad but when hes on his visits im constantly worrying about him, but whens hes with my husband i dont worry about him because I know he is in good hands. Anyways, if i ask anyone in my family to watch him, its like its just a big deal, even when I watch my nephew(who is 3 months younger than my son), do I get the favor returned?? No. I dont remember the last time I had a good time, the last time i didnt have to worry.
A little background on me... I've been staying at my moms since i got pregnant, til i moved with my husband to the east coast, than i had to come back here in June..now im still here. I dont have a car because my husband took it with him to the west coast to the base.. So i sit at home every day.. day after day.. not being able to go outside..because we have been in a heat wave.. :/ Listening to a screaming child who is constantly climbing ontop of you like your a jungle gym, biting, scratching.. and god knows what else he does to me. Raising him myself was fine until we moved to the east coast and i had help from my husband. Up til my son was about 6 months old i did it all myself, I had a csection and didnt get any help from family, when I was suppose to be resting. I dont complain about it because to me, it wasnt that bad, it could of been worse. But now I wish i did have help. he's alot worse to handle now as he is completely mobile. He's been walking since he was about 8 1/2 months and walking independently since he was 10 months old..
I also havent been able to work because I've been bouncing back and forth between states for 6 months. Everything is just a hassle and starting to get old. To be honest i just wish this would all be over with so i would know what was going to happen and what our fate was going to be.. ugh :/
