Stand Still, look Pretty.. Keep your mouth Shut?

Ever hear that song "stand still, look pretty" by the wreckers? Well its kinda the story of my life these days. I know things could be much worse than they are now. But going from where we were to this really sucks. Like im not sure what could go right, because once something actually goes right.. something falls down the shitter.. ya know what im saying?

Im trying not to complain all the time, but im struggling just to keep my head on right.. I need an outlet.. and its starting to feel like i have no where to turn. Im even sure I have anyone left in this world, besides family. But sometimes they arent the ones you wanna talk to. ya kno? I just wish there was an actual friend i could count on for once in my life. Im only 20 and i feel like the world is out to get me. I cant keep holding on to this piece of thread anymore. It majorly sucks. I should be out living my life, enjoying what god gives us.. But nope.. that aint gonna happen.

Im not even sure its worth it anymore.. ya kno? Where do you go from here? Whats the next step in life when your BELOW rock bottom? How can you get up on your feet again?? Not sure whats gonna happen from here on out.. :/

Court?

So i have court tomorrow morning, im kinda nervous even though its not determining anything. I wish it was because id rather get out of this town now than have to wait another 3-4 months. Ive already driven myself crazy basically..
Being back in this town makes me wanna do things.. things i shouldnt even think about doing becuase I'm married with a son. They are my world. I love them to the moon and back(probably farther) but being here makes me remember the old days when i could do what i want, when i want. And Im living with my mother still, shes never home so it makes it even harder, because id love to just go get away from everything for alittle bit. But shes got a new boyfriend, so she is always with him.
I just wish for once, someone cared about my well being and not their own... Im just sick of everything, of being alone all the dang time lately. I cant seem to handle it, well not being here in this god for saken town. This town is no good. I need to be off with my husband, supporting his career choices and making him happy and relaxed about what he is about to do. Not being stuck 2000 miles away from. :/
And lately all we do is fight. Just about everything, we both have issues about trust. and thats because we are so far apart. ive told him that lately i start these fights because its like im perparing myself for the underway hes going to be going on soon. But he is just such a jerk all the dang time. I try and actually talk to him about how i feel, like i feel abonded, left, i just want to be comforted and that little things matter. but he doesnt get it.. some days i wonder what i was thinking when we got married, i dont think he is ready for the whole "i need to please her" thing because im doing my best to make him happy, why cant he return it? i guess there agian, no one thinks that i need to be happy.
Ugh


lets just keep our fingers crossed for good news tomorrow because i need this stress to go away..
good night