Friends or Foes?

So I lost a "good friend" yesterday because i posted that i was tired of seeing happy couples.. I wasnt meaning it towards anyone, she took it seriously and blew it out of porption.. well I've had it.. I NOW realize my whole life & friends has been nothing but a joke.. When i had only 3 friends show up for my wedding & leave within in an hour because we had to go to the hospital.. I should have known.. When i moved to Connecitcut i should of have known..
There arent many true friends in my life.. I'm not sure if ive ever had true friends now that i think about it.. I dont think i should count on anyone in my life, except family.. Maybe family..(i wont get started on my family tonight), I hate those "friends" that are your "friends" that are only your "friends" when they need or want something from you.. How awesome right?? because thats what you need in your life when life is already screwy enough for me...
Now back to above about the "friend" and the status.. She said she understand.. but obviously she doesnt understand a whole lot.. I might be a little immature about everything, but when she deleted me, i blocked her from everything.. I dont want to be in contact with people like that anymore.. if my "friends" cant understand how i feel or why im upset than i dont need people in my life. Specially when they are fake friends..

I just wish i had more friends, I guess im not sure what i do wrong in my life that i dont have any "girl friends", i wish i could get that answer from someone, but who the heck would i ask??  No one but there is no one in my life that i trust to be a good friend. I've lost everyone & alex is the only person who has ever stayed in my life & been wonderful. I cant wait til he gets back.. I need my best friend back.. I miss him so much.. & its sad to realize how much you depend on 1 person til you have no one else to depend on or talk to..  I miss my husband.


I need friends in my life that understand that some days i will hate the world & not want anyone in my life, & theres day that i dont want anyone in my life but i would LOVE someone to come drag me out of my house and make me happy and smile.. I'd love someone to be a friend again.. I guess I miss my high school "friends" actually having someone there.. but i guess i should accept the fact I dont have anyone in my life except my husband & i should stop trying to find people to fill that void. I have our son who is wonderful & everything more i could for in a son. he is healthy and happy baby. I just wish there was more to my life than Trevor.. i wish there were more friends or just people to hang out with, i guess..
I guess you can only find friends like that on base.. because they know how you feel & what your going through.. and people who were your "high school" friends dont get it because they arent military.. they dont know how you feel or what your going, they think they know when they said "i understand.." no, no you dont